Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A word from our sponsor: self-acceptance

Now, I just had this major breakthrough thing where I realized that no one needs to like who I am, only I do. Anyone else is a bonus. But I was looking around for the past two and a half weeks at my school and finding out, wow. I wonder how many of these people are actually true to themselves. You can tell that I don't care, but I can also tell how much that these other people do. For instance, I was voicing my opinions about the feathers-in-the-hair trend going on, asking why you would want a fake piece of down clipped into your hair. Why pay money for it? I mean, honestly. If you like it, fine. Go ahead and do it. Just don't expect me to say that I love it. Well, I know this girl (no names) and she doesn't need to follow all these trends. Underneath this exterior of wanting to be like everyone else is this amazing girl with a voice and an opinion and a great future, but she's suffocating herself with all the things everyone else is. She told me she was getting a feather and I plainly asked, "Why?" "Because everyone else has one and I want one too."

If she wouldn't have said the first part of her answer, I would have been fine. But she did, and I practically exploded in her face. Granted, I was not in a good mood that day, so I probably went a little extreme, but really. "Everyone else has one" is not an acceptable answer. Being a trend follower makes you nothing but unoriginal. You can't come up with your own look. It's sad, really, to see all these clones walking around my school. I know plenty of the "benders" as I like to call them, but I know even more of the "clones" and even a few "Barbies". It's really making me lose faith in humanity's creativity.

But those rule-breakers, most that I know at least, are usually the most broken themselves. I know some who talk to me about suicide and I try to make them see that who they are and being so helps people, usually using myself as an example. If I didn't have other benders with me, I would probably fall apart and succumb to the world of feathers, Hollister, and :gulp: mainstream music. But I didn't because the benders never left me and I will never leave them. I just wish they knew just how amazing they were.

Even if you aren't a clone of those people that you see online or on the television, it doesn't mean you aren't beautiful. Everyone has something beautiful about them. I can find something in everyone, so you can find something in yourself, because you were meant for something. I have no idea what I believe in at the moment, but I know that everyone has a purpose. You will be happy some time, some day. I can promise you. Just love yourself, because you're absolutely worth it. You always have been. You are beautiful. Stay that way.

Keep it ugly.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Well, ain't that just wonderbar?

"I don't believe in karma." -Sandra Bernhard

Even if I did, I don't deserve to be this miserable. I mean, things are fine, but I'm not. I'm in between projects and, being a teenager with no life, I need a project to fill my time. I have schoolwork, but even that doesn't take nearly long enough to keep me occupied. I could do everything I needed to in study hall. I'm saving KTWGS (title in the works) for NaNo '11 because A) I need a NaNo novel and B) I need September and October to complete charrie development and the plot and etc. I finished my play, but I need to edit the last scene.. which shouldn't be hard. But I do need something to work on. I don't have any new ideas, which is strange, but still.

But yes. I'm sick and idea-less. Not good.

The Ramones, Pinhead Gunpowder, and Hole to cheer me up. :)

Friday, August 19, 2011


My mind was blown the other day by my close friend and class president.

We had Drama Club last year, for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, the teacher who supervised and directed the play quit when the year ended (and I don't blame him for doing so). Now, they can't find someone to take his place, which really bummed me out, because I love Drama Club.

I was just beginning to flesh out the idea that I had floating around in my head about creating a stage play from the music in The Black Parade. I had only just started experimenting with the idea when I photographed my character list (a WIP..) with my cell and uploaded it to Facebook. Not fifteen minutes later do I receive a text message from the friend mentioned above saying that she had a great idea.

Me: What is it?

Her: Well. You know how we don't have Drama Club anymore?

Me: Yeah..

Her: What if we did your play?

Me: (took me a second to register) That's a great idea!

Her: We can talk to Mrs. Reid and since we can direct, someone just has to be in the room with us.

Me: Yay! Now I have to write it. ;)

..or something along those lines. Needless to say, I was breathlessly excited. I had the plot written in a notebook, so I lent it to her to read over the weekend to get the idea. I already finished Act I: Scene 1 tonight. I want to finish Scene 2 tonight as well. Then, after we're done cleaning the house tomorrow, I'll get rolling with Scene 3 and 4.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I haven't written in a while, and for a good reason - school has begun again. It's our second day, and I hate eighth grade, but I can tell that it'll be fun. Does that make sense? Oh, never mind.

I've gone from writing Engraved, KTWGS (which may get a new title, because of this post), and a new fanfiction, Danger Days to writing the fanfic and KTWGS. Engraved's MC is becoming Mary Sue-ish and I hate that and I need to develop her and the plot, because I don't have a plotline yet. Danger Days is here because I needed something light and fun to write. I'm having trouble starting KTWGS, but I think I should have it up and rolling tonight (hopefully).

There's a specific soundtrack to each one of my novels. Music really impacts my writing, so I need to have a really specific playlist to get what I'm writing about right. Like, I can't have Lenka's "Like a Song" playing while I write a happy scene. Or "Viva La Gloria" when I'm writing a confession scene. Or "Planetary (Go!)" while writing a romantic scene. Or.. you get it.

For KTWGS, I'm listening to a lot of My Chemical Romance, because I like them and the words are excellent and the melodies are astounding. But I would like some more music suggestions. I like rock, alternative, and indie music. I'm open to folk, dance/electronica, and metal. I'm not into rap or hip hop. I like Broadway music too, soundtracks and stuff. Lyrics are important. Anything you like, leave it in a comment and I'll give it a listen to. :)

Peas, corn, and carrots.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I (finally) confessed.

Have you ever carried a secret so huge that it feels like it will just tear itself out of your chest at any moment because of the weight that it has on your body?
I have.
At the same time.
And they’re both gone now. And I feel so light that I could fly. I’m happier than ever now, because those weights are gone. I told them to the two people who matter the most to me, and they were accepting and understanding. I feel so much better now.
Things are going to get better for me. I can feel it in my bones.
This year shall be my defining year. I am letting go of all barriers and just being me for once.