A word from our sponsor: self-acceptance

Now, I just had this major breakthrough thing where I realized that no one needs to like who I am, only I do. Anyone else is a bonus. But I was looking around for the past two and a half weeks at my school and finding out, wow. I wonder how many of these people are actually true to themselves. You can tell that I don't care, but I can also tell how much that these other people do. For instance, I was voicing my opinions about the feathers-in-the-hair trend going on, asking why you would want a fake piece of down clipped into your hair. Why pay money for it? I mean, honestly. If you like it, fine. Go ahead and do it. Just don't expect me to say that I love it. Well, I know this girl (no names) and she doesn't need to follow all these trends. Underneath this exterior of wanting to be like everyone else is this amazing girl with a voice and an opinion and a great future, but she's suffocating herself with all the things everyone else is. She told me she was getting a feather and I plainly asked, "Why?" "Because everyone else has one and I want one too."

If she wouldn't have said the first part of her answer, I would have been fine. But she did, and I practically exploded in her face. Granted, I was not in a good mood that day, so I probably went a little extreme, but really. "Everyone else has one" is not an acceptable answer. Being a trend follower makes you nothing but unoriginal. You can't come up with your own look. It's sad, really, to see all these clones walking around my school. I know plenty of the "benders" as I like to call them, but I know even more of the "clones" and even a few "Barbies". It's really making me lose faith in humanity's creativity.

But those rule-breakers, most that I know at least, are usually the most broken themselves. I know some who talk to me about suicide and I try to make them see that who they are and being so helps people, usually using myself as an example. If I didn't have other benders with me, I would probably fall apart and succumb to the world of feathers, Hollister, and :gulp: mainstream music. But I didn't because the benders never left me and I will never leave them. I just wish they knew just how amazing they were.

Even if you aren't a clone of those people that you see online or on the television, it doesn't mean you aren't beautiful. Everyone has something beautiful about them. I can find something in everyone, so you can find something in yourself, because you were meant for something. I have no idea what I believe in at the moment, but I know that everyone has a purpose. You will be happy some time, some day. I can promise you. Just love yourself, because you're absolutely worth it. You always have been. You are beautiful. Stay that way.

Keep it ugly.

♥

Well, ain't that just wonderbar?

"I don't believe in karma." -Sandra Bernhard


Even if I did, I don't deserve to be this miserable. I mean, things are fine, but I'm not. I'm in between projects and, being a teenager with no life, I need a project to fill my time. I have schoolwork, but even that doesn't take nearly long enough to keep me occupied. I could do everything I needed to in study hall. I'm saving KTWGS (title in the works) for NaNo '11 because A) I need a NaNo novel and B) I need September and October to complete charrie development and the plot and etc. I finished my play, but I need to edit the last scene.. which shouldn't be hard. But I do need something to work on. I don't have any new ideas, which is strange, but still.

But yes. I'm sick and idea-less. Not good.

The Ramones, Pinhead Gunpowder, and Hole to cheer me up. :)

The truth is ironic and hurtful and beautiful and sick and twisted and wrong and right and pure and conceited and biased and tearful and aching and sweet and undying.

I don't know what to tell you. Just know that I'm better. So much better.

HO-LEE CRAP

My mind was blown the other day by my close friend and class president.

We had Drama Club last year, for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, the teacher who supervised and directed the play quit when the year ended (and I don't blame him for doing so). Now, they can't find someone to take his place, which really bummed me out, because I love Drama Club.

I was just beginning to flesh out the idea that I had floating around in my head about creating a stage play from the music in The Black Parade. I had only just started experimenting with the idea when I photographed my character list (a WIP..) with my cell and uploaded it to Facebook. Not fifteen minutes later do I receive a text message from the friend mentioned above saying that she had a great idea.

Me: What is it?

Her: Well. You know how we don't have Drama Club anymore?

Me: Yeah..

Her: What if we did your play?

Me: (took me a second to register) That's a great idea!

Her: We can talk to Mrs. Reid and since we can direct, someone just has to be in the room with us.

Me: Yay! Now I have to write it. ;)

..or something along those lines. Needless to say, I was breathlessly excited. I had the plot written in a notebook, so I lent it to her to read over the weekend to get the idea. I already finished Act I: Scene 1 tonight. I want to finish Scene 2 tonight as well. Then, after we're done cleaning the house tomorrow, I'll get rolling with Scene 3 and 4.

Updates

I haven't written in a while, and for a good reason - school has begun again. It's our second day, and I hate eighth grade, but I can tell that it'll be fun. Does that make sense? Oh, never mind.

I've gone from writing Engraved, KTWGS (which may get a new title, because of this post), and a new fanfiction, Danger Days to writing the fanfic and KTWGS. Engraved's MC is becoming Mary Sue-ish and I hate that and I need to develop her and the plot, because I don't have a plotline yet. Danger Days is here because I needed something light and fun to write. I'm having trouble starting KTWGS, but I think I should have it up and rolling tonight (hopefully).

There's a specific soundtrack to each one of my novels. Music really impacts my writing, so I need to have a really specific playlist to get what I'm writing about right. Like, I can't have Lenka's "Like a Song" playing while I write a happy scene. Or "Viva La Gloria" when I'm writing a confession scene. Or "Planetary (Go!)" while writing a romantic scene. Or.. you get it.

For KTWGS, I'm listening to a lot of My Chemical Romance, because I like them and the words are excellent and the melodies are astounding. But I would like some more music suggestions. I like rock, alternative, and indie music. I'm open to folk, dance/electronica, and metal. I'm not into rap or hip hop. I like Broadway music too, soundtracks and stuff. Lyrics are important. Anything you like, leave it in a comment and I'll give it a listen to. :)

Peas, corn, and carrots.
Frankie

I (finally) confessed.

Have you ever carried a secret so huge that it feels like it will just tear itself out of your chest at any moment because of the weight that it has on your body?
I have.
Twice.
At the same time.
And they’re both gone now. And I feel so light that I could fly. I’m happier than ever now, because those weights are gone. I told them to the two people who matter the most to me, and they were accepting and understanding. I feel so much better now.
Things are going to get better for me. I can feel it in my bones.
This year shall be my defining year. I am letting go of all barriers and just being me for once.